I’m just starting out, how can I feel more comfortable when covering my hair?
Is there a secret? A hack of some sort? Why don’t I recognize myself?
To think that I’ve been covering my hair already for 7.5 years is mind boggling for me. I still remember like it was yesterday, what I wore to cover my hair the day after our wedding. I remember which berets and beanies I wore all to all of our Sheva Brachot (gatherings every night for a week in honor of the bride and groom). I can’t even remember what I ate for dinner last night 😂. I remember being frantic erev (on the eve of) Shabbat of our Shabbat Chatan (the Shabbat after a wedding) thinking that I wouldn’t recall how to wrap the piece that I wanted to wear to shul (synagogue), I practiced the style over and over again. I felt like I didn’t recognize myself. I spent my whole life with my hair around my face and now I had to make this new reality fit in with my old self. I was so unsure what would look good on me in the beginning of our marriage. I basically wore berets, beanies and pretieds our entire first year of marriage, with the exception of the few “fancier” occasions when I would wear a silk square with the old-school shaper I owned that was not adjustable and basically gave me a headache every time I wore it. My, have we come a long way since then!
So now you must be wondering, how did I go from wearing exclusively berets and beanies to helping others as The Little Tichel Lady? That is an excellent question lol 😂. I always wanted to wear different styles, but I didn’t know what would suit me. I didn’t know what colors would flatter my complexion, because let’s get real, our head coverings sit right against our face. Also, I didn’t know HOW TO wrap. Yes, I knew the very very basic way, but beyond that I didn’t know where to begin.
One day, I finally decided to order a shaper that I was hoping would work with what I wanted to do. I started experimenting with pieces I already had. I watched tutorials online and made sure to try them out. I looked for headcovering designers whose style I could relate to. I tried to find people with face shapes similar to mine and I observed what types of styles they wore so I could get an idea of what could flatter me. I was NOT AFRAID of experimenting with different colors. Then, I started to invest in pieces of different shapes and styles so I could really see what’s out there and from there I invested in the styles I liked on me.
At least 5 years ago, I remember wearing a zig-zag styled wrap with 3 wraps with different shades of blue. That’s not to say that I wore everything that I experimented with outside of the house. Most of the time, I would try out new wrap styles and colors for Shabbat dinner. This way I got to get a sense of how I felt about the style while I wore it WITHOUT getting reviews from other people. I know myself in the sense that I need to decide how I feel about things before I open it up to other people because my opinion could get cloudy if I don’t decide beforehand.
If you are new to covering your head/hair, I want you to know that it’s completely normal if you don’t know which styles or which colors will flatter you. If you feel like you don’t even know where to start, like you don’t know what sort of shaper to get (if you should get one), IT’S OKAY. The important thing is that you ALLOW yourself to try new things. Give yourself permission to try styles, even if you think they won’t look good on you. You know how some people will experiment with makeup at night when they know they’re not going anywhere and they have time to dedicate to trying a new look? You NEED to do this with hair covering as well. With time, you’ll learn what sort of styles you like and with even more time your style may change again. At least then, you’ll hopefully feel more comfortable and confident with the pieces that you wear because you spent time experimenting.
“And will you succeed? Yes!
You will, indeed! (98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)” Dr. Seuss